So many things learned today.
I felt a little melancholy today at church. It was that cloudy, can’t-break-through feeling I think we all get sometimes. But God broke me through it and reminded me of some things.
So while taking communion God reminded me of His love. For whatever reason I had slipped down a slope that caused me to feel bad about seeking joy. If I’m in a depressed mood it is usually because I can’t find any positive feelings and I dwell on the negative feelings. It’s a weird thing. It’s like I am a dry paintbrush. I cannot do a thing of good unless someone dips me in water again… And until then I remain feeling purposeless and without joy…
Anyway, as I’m taking the communion, The Lord speaks over me. I hear [i died so you can have joy].
And it starts to rain a little. I start to see again.
[don’t feel guilty about wanting joy], I hear.
And just like that I can see again.
I can see what I had done and I saw (again) what Christ has done.
We can’t make friends with depression. Sorrow is not your friend. It doesn’t care about you. It does not want to hear your precious laugh or see your sweet smile. It just wants to feed off of your brokenness; to suck all the life out of you.
After church I shared bits and pieces of this with a friend and she prayed for me. I’m so thankful for that. Thank you God for sending that friend to me!
And I hope and pray that I remember today… That I remember what God taught me. My broken spirit cried out to Him, and He replied. He heard me.
I hope I remember that because of the cross and because of God’s love, I should never accept guilt or shame that tries to creep in when I want to ask God for more joy.
The Devil wants us to feel terrible and hopeless for wanting the things of God, so he works to do just that. Rebuke him and those spirits, in Jesus’ name and remember that Jesus is more powerful than satan. And that you belong to Jesus.
And that joy IS YOURS in Jesus Christ. So do not fear in claiming it. Jesus died so that you could have no problem owning it! An orphan doesn’t feel like he can own anything, but because we (those who are in Christ) are no longer orphans and have been adopted by God, we have access to the fruits of the spirit in abundance. They are ours!
So beautiful! Thank you Jesus!